tonight I met a friend for dinner, and amidst flowing conversation he turned to me and suddenly asked that dreaded question that often becomes apart of table conversation at this time of year …
“What have you learnt in 2019?”
He said staring at me with such intensity, the pressure suddenly felt insurmontable.
You have to say something profound now … I thought … the pause has gone on for too long. The next words out of your mouth have to send shivers down spines and cause index fingers and thumbs to rub together ricocheting relativity throughout the halls.
shebi you call yourself a writer ?! This is your time to shine!
Dinner was set on the third floor of a very large building, big enough to feel spacious but not too big that you could lose yourself, busy but not enough to the point where I could pretend I didn’t hear the question, the lights were dimmed but just enough to create an ambience and still well lit that you could see your companion and remain all too aware of their furrowing brow and insightful gaze.
what have you learnt Angie? What have you learnt? I asked myself inwardly. It had been seconds since the words had departed from his lips but the overworking of my mind made it feel like an age.
So I stopped overthinking, placed down my fork and said the first thing that sprung to mind:
you what ?! I think we were both as shocked at the random mention of a controversial repulsive condiment enjoyed by Britons with questionable tastebuds all over the land.
But before I knew what was happening I blurted the word out again, this time with all my chest:
this year has taught me to be who you are regardless. to walk in your truth and trust yourself, your character and your growth even if that might not be for everyone. Even if it means that a lot of the people who YOU treasure no longer like it...
“After all, marmite doesn’t cease to be Marmite just because someone doesn’t like the taste”
Though this isn’t the only lesson I’ve learnt this year, my gosh is it an important one. Remind yourself of it daily, in those moments when your heart fills with doubt or when you embark on something new. When you discuss your most precious brainchild with someone or pitch an idea – it’s yours, of you and not everyone needs to get that or cheerlead it. Satisfy yourself. Do for self. Even if the journey changes.
Do it for the person you’ll always have to live with.
Of course it’ll hurt when people are seemingly not a fan, but why should that affect your goals, ambitions or the core of who you are ?
Keep going. After all Marmite is still being sold in that condiment aisle, and it isn’t going anywhere, anytime soon.