This post is quite a personal one but I just received a text message that brought on a wave of inspiration so here goes nothing …
I recently became single again, after being in a very tumultuous relationship for over two years, and here’s the issue all of a sudden I’ve completely forgotten how. I almost feel like I’m supposed to be with someone, just because of my age and culture. Plus when it comes down to it we all tend to crave companionship that sometimes our friends just can’t provide.
It also doesn’t help that being Nigerian means everywhere I turn there’s a newly engaged couple or a very distant Aunty who I’m not actually related to interrogating me as to why I haven’t yet joined the club.
Sometimes it does tend to make me furrow my brow with worry, or wonder if maybe I’m just never going to find the ‘one’.
(Yes, I do believe he exists. Shoot me!)
And although it can sometimes feel like it, I can’t be the only one who feels like they’re stranded on a deserted island of singledom surrounded by waves of uncertainty and rocky debris of failed mishaps. Dramatic I know.
But hopefully there’s one or two of you who feel the same and if you ever start to doubt yourself like I am right now,
as in right this second here are a few things I want you to remember:
Your greatest gift is you.
I put a lot of time, love and effort into my other half at the time and it meant I ended up losing the parts of me I loved the most. It’s often so easy to lose your most important half when intertwining with another being, but you are what makes you special, and as cliche and irritating as it is to hear, say or even worse type – you must love yourself first before you can truly love anyone else
2. It’s better to be alone…
That’s it. Sometimes you need your alone time to progress, reflect, learn and grow. Let’s be honest we’re not always stainless, holy and without flaws in our relationships – no matter what your bestie says! Often times we don’t take that much needed time to reflect so that we don’t continue to repeat our mistakes and carry unnecessary baggage into the next phase of our lives. I’m accepting this as a season of nurturing and growth to fully understand myself as an individual, what I love and what I’m striving for before all else.
Literally my motto for this whole entire year. What’s the worst that can come from it ?
In this age of social media, it’s almost uncommon for somebody NOT to know everything about everyone else and their relationships, and as a result it oft leads to criticism and envy of a situation you really know not one thing about. Let’s be honest you really have no idea what happens in other people’s lives or behind the filters they select for their ig posts.
…. I mean I can’t be the only one who’s noticed a few scenarios have meant we had to leave #RelationshipGoals in 2017. Just saying.
Here’s another cheesy one for ya … the grass may look greener on the other side – and maybe it is – but it might also just be fake.
So I make a point to be happy for others, but also continue to invest in myself, it’s the safest bet I can make.
4. You’re SupaDupaFly – so trust the process.
If it didn’t work, it was for a reason. That doesn’t mean you should doubt yourself, your worth or your future as the spectacular individual that you are. You are not defined by your relationship or lack thereof, you are defined by your character, your sense of purpose and the heart you have for others. Sharpen, honour and treasure that person every single day – she’s a keeper!
I hope these few words are beacons of comfort in a sea of constant uncertainty. I’m off to watch some Black Mirror and eat some chocolate.
ps. Scroll down to read what my blog is all about and why you’re even here reading this, or not – both is fine!